Thursday, June 25, 2009
The Battle of the Selves
By Tamara Jones
ESL Instructor, SHAPE Language Center, Belgium
Most people who know me would tell you that I am not a shy person. In fact, I tend to be chatty and outgoing. Some might even call me loud. When I joined Weight Watchers in 2006, I didn’t hide quietly at the back of the room; I spoke out in the meetings, asking questions and sharing my personal triumphs and challenges. Even when I attended different meetings out of town (something had to get me through Christmas time in the hot-dish capital of the world – South Dakota), I usually struck up conversations with the people sitting next to me and spoke out in the meeting when I had something to add. In English, I would definitely fall into the category of sociable live wire.
Fast forward to 2009. I have been living in Belgium for almost a year now. Faced with chocolate, cheese, and the best french fries on earth, I have kept up regular attendance at the local Weight Watchers meetings. They are conducted entirely in French, and I enjoy the challenge. What I find most interesting, though, is the complete personality change that I undergo when I enter the meeting hall. I become shy and quiet. I usually find a place at the back, and I don’t make eye contact with anyone.
Sometimes, the leader, Jacqueline, tries to include me by prompting me to share a meal idea or weight loss strategy. At these moments, I tend to sweat, panic, and stammer through a convoluted response. I get agitated for a number of reasons: I might not be entirely sure I understand the question, I don’t want the other members to judge me by my grammar mistakes, and I don’t want them to think that I am just one of those people who can’t be bothered to learn their language.
Speaking out in my Belgian Weight Watchers meetings is a horror equivalent to oral surgery; sometimes it’s necessary, but I’d really rather not.
The Importance of Accuracy
In the end, maybe only time will transform me from an L2 introvert to an L2 extrovert. However, my experience has certainly made me more sympathetic to my students’ reticence. I won’t flippantly tell my classes to “just get out there and speak English” again!